Ten Things You Should Not Brag About on Document Review

10) Discussing your favorite law school classes. Likely you have graduated a while ago or if you are a new graduate you are fresh meat for predatory contractors. Don’t discuss it, it doesn’t help you and it makes you appear more delusional than the actual document reviewers who really are crazy.

9) What law school you graduated from. Again, really? Do you think it even matters at this point on document review? No one cares, if anything people will view you as insecure for trying to use that as prestige in a electronic tapping, paper on the floor, not enough bathrooms, your agency is cheap, surrounded by bitter attorneys situation anyway. You scream “I require attention, I thought I was special, I went to a top 20–shouldn’t someone care?” But you know no one does. L-O-S-E-R.

8)How much you know about the employment situation and being an “expert” on advising other contract attorneys on how and where to get a job. This is  a real doozy, this person knows about all the employment sites and permanent job leads yet cannot secure one for himself. Can you spell ‘desperate for attention.’

7) How you have an “in” on an upcoming project. Nothing is how it seems, even if you’re accepted, they can withdraw you, tell you it’s been postponed or cancelled. This is at-will employment, you can be “released” for any reason (unless  you file suit–have to love the law-mindset).  Also, for those who don’t know where their next paycheck will come from, other reviewers will target you for getting “released” sooner than you expect.

6) Not paying your taxes or other bills. It could’ve been a joke, it might’ve been a statement about an issue you resolved years ago, just don’t do it. Don’t trust anyone. Period. Everyone, team leads, project leads, managers, agencies, reviewers are all out for themselves. The majority aren’t normal people and look for ways to stir trouble.

5) How you didn’t really qualify to be on a particular contract. This may encompass a myriad of reasons, but really? Why are a few attorneys so loose tongued? Why would you even bring such attention to yourself. You think people don’t care but you’re in a room full of bitter people with long hours and high debt-income ratio, they want to take someone down. Oh I forgot they likely suffer from lack of stability.

4) How you don’t do any work. Although contractual work is viewed as a joke and some consider it not practicing law, you are billing people. You are a licensed attorney. Don’t you think you can be sued for fraud, federal charges and ethics violations? Oh I forgot most attorneys are arrogant, even when they are just so obviously wrong.

3) How doing document review “isn’t that bad.” O.k. as the United States recover from the economy I will initially say it appears that this is an innocuous statement. However, it is that bad, to know how much prior associates were paid to do this work, that in three years they were most likely to pay off their student loans and the working conditions are similar to a pig pen with computers–it is that bad. Just accept the reality of it, if you don’t you will become comfortable and not search for anything better and that’s what these agencies want apparently, the ones who have given up, because they are the ones who won’t “bail” on projects (probably why they don’t do anything when people violate the law under their supervision).

2) How you get along with everyone. You lie. You didn’t before you went to law school and you don’t now. Just the reality of life, and most likely if you are espousing such nonsense, the majority of attorneys don’t like you because you are a troublemaker.

1) How this isn’t the practice of law. Although clicking and coding is somewhat menial work, one should remember that this was the bulk of BIGLaw associate work and that many still do this as part of their caseload. Staff attorneys do it as well, it’s just that well, you’re contractual and you don’t have prestige as you are not a permanent employee. But if we’re for the most part doing the same work, what does that say about the illisional prestiges that the others receive. Flash of mirrors. Jurisdictions will define “practice of law” to the extent they can absorb fees from individual attorneys especially contractual ones, it’s punishment for being in that position.

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4 Comments »

  1. JD Underdog Said:

    A side note: on your blog roll, you have me listed as JD Underground. I should be listed as JD Underdog. Thanks!

    • A Law School Victim Said:

      I’ve updated it–it should be fine now!

  2. JD Underdog Said:

    Doc review is the worst position on the legal totem pole, and even those jobs are diminishing by the second.

    • A Law School Victim Said:

      I beg to differ-second to worse as UNPAID internships for licensed/experienced attorneys in the guise of pro bono is the worst :)…


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